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The Cleveland Show
Oct 26 2012, 12:51 PM by Christine Montgomery
Do you ever get the feeling that you might be on Kitchen Nightmares and are looking for a way to be sure? We've gathered five sure-fire ways to help you figure it out.
Don't forget to tune-in tonight at 8.00 et/pt when a brand new season of Kitchen Nightmares premieres on Global TV.
#5 - Your vocabulary suddenly includes an array of British swear words
If while cooking breakfast one day, you find yourself yelling "you have no bollocks!" at the omelet you're cooking, there's a good chance you might be on Kitchen Nightmares. It's a common side effect of having Gordon Ramsay all up in your bizness for a week: there's a tendency to pick up on colourful linguistic choices .
#4 - You have no idea why you're on Kitchen Nightmares
You've watched many episodes of Kitchen Nightmares before. You're well aware that when Gordon Ramsay visits a restaurant, there's almost a guarantee that he'll deem the food "inedible", the ambiance "ghastly", and the service "completely dreadful". But you're completely certain that your restaurant will be the exception. After all, your food's amazing - it's just that the customers have bad taste. Your decor is transcendental - but fashion is so ridiculous these days. Your service is impeccable - if only your employees would stop taking advantage of the fact that you're so incredibly nice to them. COME ON, PEOPLE! YOU'RE ON KITCHEN NIGHTMARES!
#3 - Why is he taking off his shirt?
If you're a long time follower of the Gordon Ramsay franchise, you've probably noticed (or have been bamboozled by) the scene in many of his shows -- totally disconnected from the plot or any form of character development -- where Gordon Ramsay takes off his shirt. Do the producers believe we're all salivating for a sneak peek at Gordon's average-if-not-tolerable middle-aged man chest? Who knows. Whatever the reason, if looking for a way to find out whether or not you're on Kitchen Nightmares, keep an eye out for a scene that goes down a little something like this:
It's the end of a long day. Gordon Ramsay has retired to his hotel room, exhausted from attempting the near impossible. He begins to undress.
Ramsay (to camera): "What a day. Sh*t. If Joe Blowenstein doesn't start opening his eyes to what's happening in this restaurant soon, then he might lose the business. And let me tell you, I'm just about ready to let him. Then we'll all really be in the sh*t."
#2 - You've realized the error of your ways
It was a real struggle, but the moment of revelation finally comes when you realize why the restaurant is tanking, you're ready to Carpe Diem and change the world -- one chicken wing at a time! If you've experienced this moment of catharsis, you're probably on Kitchen Nightmares.
Expect this moment to happen after Gordon Ramsay orchestrates a heart-to-heart between you and your daughter/parent/spouse/dog. And remember, if you start to cry, at least you can blame it on the onions.
#1 - Gordon Ramsay is yelling at you
Self explanatory, right?
Kitchen Nightmares premieres Friday, October 26 at 8.00 et/pt. The latest full episodes are online Saturday.